hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
