So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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