She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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