Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
