We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
