I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
