Just fell off a train. Bad.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
