Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
