My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
