matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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