I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
