Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
