I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
