toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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