What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
