I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
