You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
