i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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