i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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