I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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