As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
