i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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