just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
