I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
