just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
