i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
