Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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