census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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