Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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