i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
