can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
