were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
