Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
