i just wanna soil my oats bro
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
