my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
