I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
