i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
