i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
