toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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