he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
