Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
