and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am available for nakedness
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
