I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
