Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
