I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
