she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
