Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
be right there i have to get my cape
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
