Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
