Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
