i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My liver just had a heart attack.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
